Since I’m invisible

Today I am writing on a very sensitive topic, called depression. I have not read psychology, thus noting down my own study only. Do we really understand depression? Are we confusing it with worry, stress, or poverty! There are many phases in life when we start thinking, ourselves being the invisible one. I believe that is the very early stage of depression.   

I never thought I would write on this topic. However, the suicide of actor Sushant Singh Rajput has put me in front of many questions. Actor SSR was not my very favorite one, but when you see your birth year with an end on the TV screen it gives a very different spike. 

1. Why we are all mourning by his death? He was not that popular and many of us barely knew him. I believe he was not getting this much acknowledgment when he was alive!

2. How his death became so special to us? A) He was in depression and we never knew about it until he is dead. B) He dared to dream to be an artist despite having enormous merit in academia.  C) He was a middle class, very common, well-behaved man and he was a star by the hard work and endless dedication. 

3. Nepotism, grouping, cornering, negative publicity etc etc. This was not new to us! We know all about it as Bollywood made many movies on this topic such as ‘Akele hum, akele tum’, ‘Secrete superstar’, ‘Luck by chance’, ‘Rann’, ‘Fashion’ etc etc.     

I believe we were not able to process the truth that despite being in the peak of the career, achieving a number of dreams, with a good bank balance, when and why this depression entered his life! A man who loves astrophysics but lands in acting where reel and real might have been mixed long back. You can follow his interviews and show very closely for a large range of time. It might show that he was not only acting, but he was also living those characters for real! You would also find that an innocent simple boy grows up to a mature man who has been criticized by the media and Bollywood for the thought process of ‘out of the box’. During this time we never questioned the information floating around and became a catalyst for his agony. Sometimes life gives us tough choices and we take hard measures to be a part of the process out of desperation. This choice might ask for the sacrifice of the precious in the return of something important of the moment. In Bengal we have a very common say ‘অভাবে স্বভাব নষ্ট হয়, কিন্তু প্রাচুর্যও পথে বসায়’ which means poverty might destroy your nature, but affluence can also ruin you one day.   

Most of us have judged SSR for his personal choices and might have commented ‘why you are so desperate to be the part!’. Thus I would like to comment, remember those times in school when you changed your hairstyle to be the part of your favorite group. Even those times in college when you tried to learn something different as it was the cool thing to attract attention.  You might have tried alcohol, party life to be the part despite hating loud music and crowd. I believe you understand, how desperate you were or still are! Have you ever questioned yourself, then or now, ‘what for’?

 Nepotism, grouping, cornering, negative publicity happens in every profession and sometimes it starts from family. How much you can accept this pressure depends on the environment you have grown up in. A child should be raised up in such a way or his/her training should be done in a unique way where they understand their priorities and in extreme situations where to ask for help. Asking about mental health is not an Indian culture! I believe earlier this was not a big issue even as we use to live in a joint family. We might have learned about favoritism in our family and the child's mind would have evolved around it. Those times ‘Ramayan’ and ‘Mahabharat’ used to happen in most of the families in various forms. However, the situation is very different now. We all live in the virtual world and we are often confused about reality and illusion. This corona period has made it even worse. It is pathetic than living in the jungle when there wasn’t any civilization.

I was imagining, how difficult would it be for that person who was falling inside the black hole of depression every day. SSR might be trying to rise! Just think, a child who has been pampered by his family so much (as he was the only young brother of the four sisters) and must be loved by his school and college mates (as he was brilliant in academics) in the matching level. Then he was doing so well in acting and gained big attention during television time. Finally, in Bollywood, people ignored him, gave toxic comments, and judged him for his interest in science. When he should have been appreciated, he was all left alone. This ignorance might have made him feel invisible!